- If the Opening Number is awful, nothing good is coming afterward. Turn the TV off. (In this case, awful = Mario Lopez awkwardly dancing among the contestants to "Four Seconds" by Madonna and Justin Timberlake. I watched far longer than I should have because I liked the song.)
- If the contestant introductions seem particularly awful, nothing good is coming afterward. Turn the TV off.
- If you've only heard of two of the judges (the fabulous Laura Bell Bundy and Ken Paves - hairdresser to Jessica Simpson. I had also heard of the former Miss America, Nicole Johnson. But since I've seen the pageant almost every year since I was 6, that doesn't count. Most normal people haven't heard of Nicole Johnson.), perhaps that is also a bad sign. Turn the TV off.
I may not watch next year.
I probably will though.